The Hardest Thing I Had to Say

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all.

Heart Touching Love Story

A good reminder: "Take time to appreciate what you have now." --Don't miss reading this one

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to the supermarket to buy the
remaining of the gift I didn't manage to buy earlier.

When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself,"It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other places to go.
Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year.How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it..."

Nonetheless, I made my way to the toy section, and there I started to curse the prices, wondering if after all kids really play with such expensive toys.

While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old, pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad. I wondered who was this doll for. Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him, "Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?"

The old lady replied, "You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear."

Then she asked him to stay here for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I started to walk toward him and I asked him who did he want to give this doll to.
"It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that may be Santa Claus will bring it to her, after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly.

"No, Santa Claus can not bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mother so that she can give it to her when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this.

"My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister."

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, "I told daddy to tell mummy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I come back from the supermarket."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me, "I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me."

I love my mummy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.I quickly reached
for my wallet and took a few notes and said to the boy, "What if we checked
again, just in case if you have enough money?"

"Ok," he said. "I hope that I have enough."

I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it.
There was enough for the doll, and even some spare money.

The little boy said, "Thank you God for giving me enough money."

Then he looked at me and added,
"I asked yesterday before I slept for God to
make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me."
"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn't dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose."

"You know, my mummy loves white rose."

A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my trolley. I
finished my shopping in a totally
different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my
mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.I couldn't stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wish before burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rosein her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to that day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken all this away from him.

I'm Sorry I Lied

Jenny was so happy about the house they had found. For once in her life that was on the right side of town. She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze. How wonderful it was to have her own room. School would be starting, she would have friends over soon. There will be sleep-overs, and parties. She was so happy. It's just the way she wanted her life to be.

On the first day of school, everything went great. She made new friends and even got a date! She thought, "I want to be popular and I'm going to be, because I just got a date with the star of the team!" To be known in this school you had to have a clout, and dating this guy would sure help her out. There was only one problem stopping her fate. Her parents had said she was too young to date. "Well I just won't tell them the entire truth. They won't know the difference. What's there to lose?"

Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night. Her parents frowned but said, "All right." Excited, she got ready for the big event. But as she rushed around like she had no sense, she began to feel guilty about all the lies, but what's a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride? Well the pizza was good, and the party was great, and the moonlight ride would have to wait, for Jeff was half drunk by this time.

But he kissed her and said that he was just fine. Then the room filled with smoked and Jeff took a puff. Jenny couldn't believe he was smoking that stuff. Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point, but only after he'd smoked another joint.

They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride, not thinking that he was too drunk to drive. They finally made it to the point at last, and Jeff started trying to make a pass. A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all (and by a pass, I don't mean playing football.) "Perhaps my parents were right. Maybe I am too young. Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb?" With all of her might, she pushed Jeff away, "Please take me home, I don't want to stay."

Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas. In a matter of seconds they were going too fast. As Jeff drove on in a fit of wild anger, Jenny knew that her life was in danger. She begged and pleaded for him to slow down, but he just got faster as they neared the town. "Just let me get home! I'll confess that I lied. I really went out for a moonlight ride."

Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash. "Oh God, Please help us! We're going to crash!" She doesn't remember the force of impact. Just that everything all of a sudden went black. She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble, and heard, "Call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!" Voices she heard, a few words at best. But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.

Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right, and if the people in the other car was alive. She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad. "You've been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad." These voices echoed inside her head, as they gently told her that Jeff was dead. They said "Jenny, we've done all we can do. But it looks as if we'll lose you too." "But the people in the other car?" Jenny cried. "We're sorry, Jenny, they also died."

Jenny prayed, "God, forgive me for what I've done. I only wanted to have just one night of fun." "Tell those people's family, I've made their lives dim, and wish I could return their families to them." "Tell Mom and Dad I'm sorry I lied, and that it's my fault so many have died. Oh, nurse, won't you please tell them that for me?"

The nurse just stood there. She never agreed. But took Jenny's hand with tears in her eyes. And a few moments later Jenny died. A man asked the nurse, "Why didn't you do your best to bid that girl her one last request?" She looked at the man with eyes so sad. "Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad."

Let me Love You

Once upon a time, there was once a guy who was very much in love with this girl. This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces of papercranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back. She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them, so let's go their own ways there and then... heartbroken, the guy agreed.

When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hardwork and with the help of friends, this guy had set up his own company...

"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"
One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It didn't take him long to realise those were his ex-girlfriend's parents. With a heart in getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own company, car, condo, etc. He had made it in life!

Before the guy can realise, the couple was walking towards a cemetary,and he got out of his car and followed them...and he saw his ex-girlfriend, a photograph of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her tombstone... and he saw his precious papercranes in a bottle placed beside her tomb. Her parents saw him. He walked over and asked them why this had happened. They explained, she did not leave for France at all. She was stricken ill with cancer. In her heart, she had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want her illness to be his obstacle ... therefore she had chosen to leave him.

She had wanted her parents to put his papercranes beside her, because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just wept ...the worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them but knowing you can't have them and will never see them again.
The End."

A tragic story that perhaps happens only in the movies. At the end of the day, money is money is money but love is divine. In our quest for our material wealth, take time to make time for our loved ones. There will be a time when we have only memories to cling to.
Take this weekend to show our "love" to all that are close to us.

Short Love Story

10th grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called
"best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.

After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

11th grade

The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep.

She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Senior year

The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step! I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Graduation Day

A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

A Few Years Later

Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new Life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn`t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.

Funeral

Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read:

I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me!

I wish I did too... I thought to my self, and I cried.

I Love You

The Latest Buzz

First of all, I’ve to apologize everyone for not posting for a long time. I was infected by exams and after that I was in quarantine for some time, in the sense, I was suffering from writer’s block. Now, I’ve decided to give it a try.

So, this is gonna be about my favorite sitcom, that I’ve been watching for some time. Presently, I’m really obsessed with it. My obsession is the reason that made me to write something on that.

“THE LATEST BUZZ” is a sitcom revolving around 5 ninth graders. A magazine, titled “The Teen Buzz” is struggling and the staffs are replaced by actual teenagers. They take up their positions seriously and lose themselves in a world of Fashion, Entertainment, Video-games etc. The main characters in the story are

Rebecca, played by Zoe Belkin

2) Wilder, played by Munro Chambers,

3) Michael Davis, played by Demetrius Joyette

4) Amanda Pierce, played by Vanessa Morgan and

5) Noah, played by Justin Kelly

Rebecca is an intelligent girl, happy, eager, girl, who sets her sights high and has lofty dreams, such as winning the Pulitzer Prize. Rebecca writes the Student Issues column. Rebecca’s column is ‘In So Many Words’. Easygoing and bubbly, Rebecca has the heart of a journalist. One day she dreams of winning Pulitzers and breaking huge stories, but for now she’s thrilled to expose the seedy underbelly of high school life. Every episode, she writes different articles. For instance, she wrote, “Serving as waitress” article and for that she had to actually work as a server in her school canteen and “Cheerleading” article, where she actually engaged herself in cheering to write on that.

Wilder is a Gaming obsessed dude and willing to try anything. Covers Gaming column. Wilder’s column is ‘Game on’. As good-natured as they come, Wilder is completely clueless about everything except gaming. At school, Wilder is the man. At work, Wilder is the man. All the girls like him and all the boys want to hang out with him. Wilder has an ability to fit in wherever he is and gets along with whoever he’s with. He’s funny and jovial and good-looking too.

Michael is a quirky writer capable of reporting on big stories. Michael writes the Entertainmenteverything. At school, Micheal doesn’t have many friends except his best friend, Rebecca. Micheal fits only in the group, that wouldn’t settle for that normal. Lolz, and he’s also an excellent (he claims it!) photographer. He is very humorous and spontaneous in his flow of jests , that you laugh your head off, seeing his acts. column. Micheal’s column is ‘Names Dropping’. Micheal is quirky and hip, always has so much to say about

Amanda is the magazine owner’s daughter. Amanda covers Fashion. Amanda’s column is ‘Fashion Forward’. To tell about her, as all Fashion models are, she’s also so obsessed with it and every time you get to see her walk on the ramp. She’s the one who sung the title song for this sitcom.

And Last, but not the least, is Noah. A bubbly, cheerful, more matured than the others and smart boy. He favors music and his column is music. He has a secret crush on Rebecca…and forgot to mention, even Rebecca has a crush on him. Their encounters are kind of lovely to see. The way they talk , the way they pull each other’s legs…etc.

The whole thing revolves only around three spots; 1) The Teen Buzz office,2) Their school and 3)The Fashion spot. Very cool and composed, well co-ordinated story. The teens are very natural and casual in their acting. I mean, you rarely see artificial acting. You feel like as if it is a real happening and you realize it as a sitcom only at the end. They maintain their sets very well, for instance

In an episode, the teen buzz magazine is ready to get an award for the “Best Magazine of the year” . So, all are kind of getting ready for their roles to do in the function. After all preps, they go through the elevator, as their office is located in the 4^th floor . The elevator door closes and it opens again. When the door opens, all of them come out of it, cheering about their success. So, they did’nt cover-up what happens on the award-winning function. But, it is quite obvious to assume what would have happened. The subtleness of the function is maintained through out.

I love watching it. In Contrary to the serials like, “Kana Kaanum Kalangal”, which revolves around high school students involving friendship, revenge, jealousy and what-not-stuff, making you brood half-the-time, this sitcom is far better suited for jovial, happy-go teens , who take their lives as it comes and enjoy it to the core. If you are a teen, and if you are used to English accent…Then, I assure you, you’ll really love it.

Telecasted in: Disney Channel and Family channel, Canada.

Summer’s here

Summer…That’s all we yearn for or that’s all we regret yearning for. Well, I’ll opt mostly for the latter. I’ve to warn you at the beginning itself.This is going to be another one of my laments. Nowadays, Laments are mostly dominating in my life. Coming to the point. I call this weather as SSH i.e. Scorching Summer Heat. And obviously I am a victim to the deadliest SSH. The maximum temperature of my place today, yesterday and the day before were 39.0 C, 42.1 C and 40.6 C (Forgive me for not entering the degree sign) respectively. Whew. I commute by bus to school and believe it or not, I had classes till yesterday. By the time I reach ed home, all my energies were exhausted leaving me into severe headache and not to mention, Leg-pain. And I couldn’t even think of taking a rest, because I had Math class an half an hour later. I took a shower, changed and next moment, I was sitting under a professor teaching Matrices and Determinants. The time ticked-off and as there was nobody to pick me up from the class, I had to walk a mile to my house. I used to head towards my room and switch on the Air-conditioner and sit, with my limbs outstretched. Then I helped my mom with household chores , dined and slept. This was my routine for a week or so. Forget all the CFC’s emitted from ACs resulting in global warming. At this scorching temperature, all we yearn for is chillness and Air-conditioners are ready-made supply . And of course, Water. I’m a poor water-drinker basically and my mom used to scold me for bringing the water bottle untouched to home. And now, I take two bottles to fill up my needs. Can’t imagine a life without water. Next, Milkshakes and juices. My school has an outlet of Nestle and these guys sell Iced Tea, Chocolate Shake, Lemonade, Orangeade, Cappuccino, Moccacino etc. tendering to the needs of hanging tongues. Then Sunburn. That’s the worst of all. It takes nearly 6 months to regain a proper complexion and all that hard-work is destroyed in a jiffy, the moment your skin is exposed to the sun. Be it SPF-20 or SPF-30, Girls go behind Sunscreens this season as a protector from the attack of the UV. Or else, you could see scary figures on road, with their faces all covered with their shawls and Sunglasses above their shawls. The adverse effect is these shawl-sunglass cladden faces DO appear in my night-mares haunting me as a Gothic or zombie.

Well, I’ve to admit, in spite of all the measures taken, we do suffer because of the SSH. Two days ago, I had gone with my family to a temple that is about 100 km from the city. We had hired an Indica from the travels and to my worst astonishment, there was no AC in the car. Time was running out and we had no other go. Just to bear without an AC. WITTILY (Sarcasm intended), I took the front seat, the one near the driver. The next moment, I could only feel the sun, generously splurging her rays at me. I was almost in tears half-way. I exchanged places with my dad in the back seat and felt releived after some time. I was staring ahead at the raod. I saw a scene which took me off my seat. A truck was going ahead of us. In it, was a dark man sitting half-naked, fully exposed to the sun. But, I, even after sitting in a car, was making a big fuss.That’s something to think about. I’ve to be content at least to have an Ac at home. There might be many peers, who don’t even have Ac’s at home. To add up to my comforts, my school classes are also being Air-conditioned.There are people out there, who don’t even get proper water. I realize, now that I’ve to stop lamenting and look into WHAT I HAVE than WHAT I DON’T HAVE.I hope this might be the last post in the “Laments” category.

*Sitting comfortably, in front of an Ac and typing a blog*